


I Can't Forgive Myself

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AngelBlade, Begging, Blood, Crying, Dean - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Feels, Hoping, M/M, One-Shot, Possessed By Demon, Sam...?, Tears, castiel - Freeform, cries, praying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-14 07:40:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4556316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>  Dean gets possessed by a demon but is still awake and can see everything the demon does. <br/>  The demon beats Cas and makes him beg for mercy but kills him anyway and when he leaves Dean's body, Dean cries and holds Cas.<br/>  Then gives him a hunter's funeral... and kills himself because he can't stand the fact that he killed his best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First thing first, I'm sorry if I get anything 'wrong' about Supernatural and demon's and Castiel... or other, bcuz I'm only starting Seanson 3 of Supernatural  
> Don't ask how I know this shit, long story short... my friends are very good spoilers plus they started watching it before me and told me   
> everything up to Season 5ish, then I told then to shut the hell up and I was gonna start watching.  
> All of them are waiting for Season 11 and then there's me. Trying to save up the little money that I get to buy Season 3 and 4!! Yee!! I get to meet Cas!!  
> Anywho, they can't stop themselves from talking to me about it, and fucking spoiling it  
> ...but they're great, love em' all to death <3...

  “FUCKING LET HIM GO!!” Dean screamed at the demon that was possessing his body. “GET OUT YOU SON OF A BITCH!!”

  Castiel fell to his knees, blood grazed his forehead and trench coat. "Dean-" He eyes were full of pain as he stared at the demon's fully black eyes. 

  “CAS!!” 

  "I can feel him," The demon possessing Dean smirked and loosened his grip on the angel's throat. "he wants me to let you go..."

  Castiel squeezed his eyes closed and grabbed Dean's forearms, "Stop-" He whimpered weakly as Dean grabbed his angel blade. 

  "Should I get this over with?" The demon mockingly questioned himself. Dean forced Castiel to his feet and forced him onto the bed. 

  “NO, YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH STOP IT!! LET HIM GO!!”

  Castiel eyes widen as the demon crawled on top of him. He squirmed weakly kicking and trying to land a punch in Dean's cheek. "Dean! Stop it please!"

  "No way!" Dean chuckled lowly. "Your the angel..." The demon laughed and grabbed Castiel's wrist pinning them to the bed above his head, and holding his legs so Castiel couldn't kick or barely move them. "I've always kept an eye out for, your the one that I've always wanted to kill... slowly, painfully... make you, beg..."

  Dean placed soft kisses against Castiel's throat and sucked under his jaw. 

  The angel soon had tears streaming from his eyes, "Stop..." He whimpered quietly as Dean cut off his tie, with his angel blade that he was still holding. And ripped the buttons open on his white dress shirt just enough so his chest was showing. "s-stop it."

  Dean chucked and cut the angel's chest open with the blade slowly, and earning a pained scream from him. "Beg." He ordered. 

  Castiel squeezed his eyes closed and turned his head again. 

  "Beg!" He said more forcefully, kissing and nipping at his chest, leaving marks.

  "P-lease-"

  "Louder!" 

  "Please..."

  Dean growled cutting up the angel thigh. 

  "Stop it please!!" Castiel cried out. "Dean please stop it!"

  The demon smirked and kissed the corner of his lips before cutting along his stomach. 

  “LET HIM GO! FUCK... I'LL KILL YOU LET HIM GO! CAS!!”

  Castiel whimpered as Dean sucked another hickey. "Get out of h-him-!"

  "Not quiet yet Cas." Dean whimpered as he kissed his ear. "I love it when you beg."

  Castiel began trembling still pinned under the demon, and  
crying for him to stop. 

  "Stand up!" Dean growled crawling off of the angel. 

  The angel, turned away from him, but his eyes flew open when he felt Dean ripping off his trench coat and shirt. "What'r you doing?! Stop it!!"

  "You wish," Dean chuckled grabbing the Castiel's muscled arms and forcing him to the ground on his chest. "I still have yet to make you beg..."

  Castiel buried his face against the ground but was pulled to his feet with his back to Dean.

  Dean gripped the angelblade tighter as he forced it into the angel's back, not enough to kill him, but enough to make him cry out and draw blood. 

  The demon spun Castiel to face him and wrapped his hand around his throat. 

  “CAS! FUCK, LET HIM GO! STOP IT!!”

  Dean chuckled as he forced the knife into the flesh of Castiel's chest.   
   
  “NOO!”

  Castiel cried out grabbing Dean's forearm desperately trying to get him to stop. "Dean-"

  Dean smiled as Castiel fell to his knees. "Beg..."  
    
  Castiel squeezed his eyes closed as his grip loosened. 

  “CAS!!”

  Dean kneed Castiel in the stomach, who stumbled forward. 

  "Beg angel!!" Dean shouted angrily. He grabbed Castiel's hair and forced him to look up at him. 

  "D-Dean..." Castiel blue eyes burned with more tears. "Dean please... I know your in there..." He looked straight into the demon's black eyes a single tear falling down his cheek, the emotion in his eyes helplessly pleaded for mercy and the bit of hope fading... "Dean-"

  "Ooohhh... my god, enough! Your mine!" Dean growled, yanking on Castiel's black hair earning a pained cry. 

  "Dean," Castiel whimpered. "stop-"

  "Beg..." Dean narrowed his eyes smirking. 

  "Please stop... please..." Castiel begged bowing his head slightly. 

  Dean smirked as Castiel's eyes fell shut, Dean gripped Castiel's hair and yanked it hard.

  “Cas?! Are you alright, Cas! Son of a bitch, get out of my body!!”

  "It feels, as if I shouldn't leave you like this... suffering..." The demon licked his lips and ran his index finger against the angelblade.   
    
  Castiel sniffled and slowly looked up, his face was glazed with blood along with his torso. "Dean-"

  The demon ran Castiel's angelblade from his ear down to his jaw slowly. "Sorry,"

  Castiel frowned another tear falling.   
    
  "I just can't leave you like this Castiel..." Dean smirked.

  “JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE!!”

  "Got anything to say?"

  Castiel looked right up and straight into his black eyes. "Dean..."

  "Yah... to late!" The demon smirked and pulled back the angelblade and swung it to slit his throat. 

  “NO!! CAS!!”

  The angel made chocking sounds as blood poured from his throat and bubbled out of his mouth. He fell back onto the ground, but he was still breathing. 

  Dean rolled his eyes and knelt down beside him. "Beg!"

  Blood soon stained the carpet as Castiel grabbed the collar of Dean's coat with fiercely trembling hands. 

  "Hurts like a bitch doesn't it eh Cas?" Dean laughed and stabbed him in the heart. 

 "D-" Castiel coughed out before his grip loosened and his body lay still against the carpet. Blood continued to leave his cuts. 

  “CAS!!”

  "Well, fuck this." Dean stood up and wiped his hands on his jeans. "I'm outta here, see what Sam's says when he gets back..."  
    
  And with that, The demon left Dean's body... who fell against the carpet knocking himself out as he hit his head...


	2. Chapter 2

  Dean woke with a throbbing pain in the back of his head. He wincing in pain as he stretched his arms trying desperately to remember what the hell happened...

  Then Dean narrowed his eyes in confusion as he felt a sticky liquid on his hands and he was lying in.

  His eyes widen as he came to realize was happened...

  "CAS!" Dean screamed suddenly remembering. He quickly got up and spun around to see the bloody angel's body. "Holy fuck, Cas!" 

  He crawled over to the body and gripped the angelblade in his chest and pulled it out. "Cas..."

  Tears came from the hunter's eyes as he stared into blue glassy dull ones. the angel's lips were blue and cold, along with the rest of his body, blood had dried on his bare torso and throat. 

  "Oh my god-" Dean sobbed as he took the angel's body into hi arms an held him tightly as if he would come back and tell him everything's alright. "Cas..." Dean's tears made his sight blurry. "Cas- I-I'm sorry-"

  He ran his hands through Castiel's black hair and squeezed his eyes closed. 

  The angel's head rolled back on the crook of Dean's elbow. Sobs filled the room as he cried and screamed for his angel to come back. Not this time. 

  "I did this Cas-" Dean whispered into his hair. "I did this... fuck-"

  The hunter held his body tighter and rocked back and forth. 

  Dean cried until he gave himself a headache and his eyes were puffy and he couldn't breathe out of his clogged nose. 

  Dean opened his eyes to see Castiel's were staring right back into his. "Cas... it doesn't help, but I... I think I loved you..." Dean sobbed again. "and- now... I'll n-never get to tell you-"

  Dean held the angel's body until darkness came and he lay in blackness... was this how Castiel was...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was short a sad chapter.  
> And I lied, I don't think I'm make Sam show up, maybe later.   
> And Sam's my favorite character...  
> (so hot... lol dibbs) whenever I write Destiel or something I just kinda imagine Sam at Bobby's (he's dead but still), or like asleep.  
> Meh what the hell like my user, he could be a DeadMoose, lol just kidding!!   
> I was talking to my friend over the phone and cried when Sam first died in Season 2  
> (I make it sound like that was so long ago for myself... lol It was the last episode I watched )


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm probably gonna put 1 or 2 more chapters  
> So heads up for feels and tears  
> ´Д`

  Sam saw tears falling down Dean's cheeks out of the corner of his eye. 

  Dean sniffled and wiped the back of his hand over his face and continued to watch his best friends body turn to ashes in the flames.

  Sam blinked away tears. He needed to be strong. For Dean. 

  Sam saw Dean shake his head and lower his head so his chin was against his chest. Sam looked to Castiel's burning body. 

  Then he felt a warmth. 

  Sam looked to the side. Dean was hugging him...

  Sam turned his body and hugged his straight on, Dean squeezed his eyes closed as he turned his head so Sam neck and cried. 

  The younger Winchester soon had slow long tears falling down his cheeks, and he Dean sobbed. 

  "I-I killed him..."

  Sam narrowed his eyes. He didn't know how Castiel died, he just went back to the bunker and saw his brother passed out, with Castiel's body in his lap and both covered in blood. "Dean...?"

  Dean held back a sob. "It was a demon Sammy... I-it made me kill him... slit his throat and kiss him..." Dean opened his red eyes. "I saw all the fear in his blue eyes Sammy... I did this to him," Dean sighed heavily. "now he's gone. I fucking saw everything that damn son of a bitch made me  
do to him... beg and everything-"

  Sam blinked, as Dean pulled back and wipe a forming tear. "It wasn't you-"

  "I could've stopped it!" Dean yelled kicked a rock. 

  "Dean, it was a demon-" Sam knelt down beside Dean as his brother fell to his knees and squeezed his eyes closed clenching his fists so his knuckles turned white.   
   
  "...there was so much blood... it was all his..." 

  Sam sighed and stood up putting a hand on Dean's shoulder and squeezed as if saying, 'I'm here Dean, I sure as hell ain't leavin' ya...'

  Then he was gone. Sammy left.

  Dean cried harder and forced himself to look up. "Why Cas," He chocked. "why that fucking son of a bitch have to take you away from me... God I can't- I don't...-" Dean stuttered "I don't know what to do without you Cas. I love you... I don't know, I can't...-"


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm probably gonna put 1 or 2 more chapters  
> So heads up for feels and tears  
> 。・゜・(ノД`)・゜・。

  Sam saw tears falling down Dean's cheeks out of the corner of his eye. 

  Dean sniffled and wiped the back of his hand over his face and continued to watch his best friends body turn to ashes in the flames.

  Sam blinked away tears. He needed to be strong. For Dean. 

  Sam saw Dean shake his head and lower his head so his chin was against his chest. Sam looked to Castiel's burning body. 

  Then he felt a warmth. 

  Sam looked to the side. Dean was hugging him...

  Sam turned his body and hugged his straight on, Dean squeezed his eyes closed as he turned his head so Sam neck and cried. 

  The younger Winchester soon had slow long tears falling down his cheeks, and he Dean sobbed. 

  "I-I killed him..."

  Sam narrowed his eyes. He didn't know how Castiel died, he just went back to the bunker and saw his brother passed out, with Castiel's body in his lap and both covered in blood. "Dean...?"

  Dean held back a sob. "It was a demon Sammy... I-it made me kill him... slit his throat and kiss him..." Dean opened his red eyes. "I saw all the fear in his blue eyes Sammy... I did this to him," Dean sighed heavily. "now he's gone. I fucking saw everything that damn son of a bitch made me  
do to him... beg and everything-"

  Sam blinked, as Dean pulled back and wipe a forming tear. "It wasn't you-"

  "I could've stopped it!" Dean yelled kicked a rock. 

  "Dean, it was a demon-" Sam knelt down beside Dean as his brother fell to his knees and squeezed his eyes closed clenching his fists so his knuckles turned white.   
   
  "...there was so much blood... it was all his..." 

  Sam sighed and stood up putting a hand on Dean's shoulder and squeezed as if saying, 'I'm here Dean, I sure as hell ain't leavin' ya...'

  Then he was gone. Sammy left.

  Dean cried harder and forced himself to look up. "Why Cas," He chocked. "why that fucking son of a bitch have to take you away from me... God I can't- I don't...-" Dean stuttered "I don't know what to do without you Cas. I love you... I don't know, I can't...-"

**Author's Note:**

> I read through my work and got rid of a shit ton of typos, (lol I'm great) I think most of them are gone... but if there are still some, tell me in the comment and what you think so far


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